the meathead perspective

October 5, 2022

New Sensations

Hi, I’m Meathead. You’re probably too young to remember this, but a long time ago, there was a guy named George W. Bush. He was an alcoholic who later owned the Houston Rangers baseball team. One day, the United States Supreme Court decided to make him the President. Then there was a big terrorist attack and he sent the military to invade Afghanistan (where the terrorists supposedly were), and then said fuck it, let’s hit up Iraq too (where the terrorists sure as shit weren’t), you know since we were already in the neighborhood and all. I mean Saddam Hussein had a beard now so he looked kinda bin Laden-y, right?

It was during this era in history, while America was spreading the good news about Jesus to those heathens in the Middle East, that I was here typing up a bunch of stupid jokes about Nine Inch Nails on this website. It was a different time back then, before the advent of iPads and TikTok influencers and Elon Musk. A bygone age when you could fill up your car and still have money left over for little frivolities like "food," then go home and watch a Kevin Spacey movie without feeling like you need to take a long, hot shower afterwards. Those were some good times. Laughs were had, copyrights were violated, Scientologists were offended, and I even found time to create what is objectively the best Nine Inch Nails music video ever made (suck it Mark Romanek, you fucking hack).

Then the 2000s drew to a close, I awkwardly entered my 30s, and Trent Reznor (NIN singer) decided it was time to call it quits, get married, reproduce, and start a family folk band, as one does. And since I'm not a particularly huge fan of folk music, I decided it was time for me to throw a hissy fit and to publicly diss said band online, and then pack up my shit and go home. Seeya guys, it's been real. Wave, wave, wave goodbye and all that. In hindsight, I suppose you could argue that maybe I was a little bit of a jerk. But it seemed like a good stopping point at the time, and hey, why not fuck up some bridges like Indiana Jones in Temple of Doom on my way out.

The subsequent 2010s were what could colloquially be described as a "shitshow of epic proportions." I made some breathtakingly ill-advised choices in my personal life, and the world in general went even more to hell than it already was. David Bowie died, I mean what the fuck. Absolute trash decade, would give it zero stars if I could but Google makes you give at least one so one star then. But really zero. Thanks, Obama.

Then came the 2020s! Finally, the dawn of a new decade, full of promise and hope and sunshine! What could possibly go wrong, short of a worldwide health crisis followed by psychotic levels of inflation and the persistent threat of nuclear catastrophe? Things were gonna be A-OK from here on out! Then, well… you know the rest. Here we are. But in spite of knowing that modern society as we know it will almost certainly collapse within our lifetimes, I at least managed to turn things around in my own life, finally settling down and getting married to a wonderful person (awwwwww!!!) and achieving something that vaguely resembles having my shit together, if the lighting is just right and you squint a little bit.

Recently I began to wonder what ever happened to that Trent Reznor guy, so I logged on to the World Wide Web and did some snooping around. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that, despite his prior announcement that Nine Inch Nails was kaput and the new Reznor Family Traveling Minstrel Show (also known as "How To Destroy Your Career") was here to stay so deal with it, there have actually been numerous NIN releases since, and they are still touring even to this day! And after lurking a bit on the official NIN Discord server, which is in no way akin to hanging around my old high school and trying to score weed, I learned that apparently Alessandro still exists (and looks like a hippie)! I was absolutely gobsmacked. What a world.

See, you have to understand that for the past thirteen years I've been completely out of the loop when it comes to the creative endeavors of Trent Reznor, Alessandro, the British guy and whoever else is associated with NIN these days. Billie Eilish? Gordon Lightfoot? I don't fucking know. While you kids were out waving your glow sticks at NIN concerts I wasn't at while singing along to "Sinking In My Impossible Shadow" (no idea if that's an actual NIN song, but it probably is), and trading your official Nine Inch Nails NFTs which I'm sure exist because of course, I was in my own little idiotic world, totally unaware. Frankly, I'm a little mad that none of you people even bothered to give me a heads up all these years. Like, even just a little note to say, "Hey Meathead, my old band is getting back together and putting out albums again, wanna come see a show?" Nope, nothing. You guys suck.

Nah, I'm just joshin' ya. You guys are pretty cool. Matt (the guy that has been running this website for over twenty years) even told me that a few of you asked about me while I was gone, which is just fucking adorable. The good news, for most of you, is that I'm still alive. The bad news, for a few of you, is that I'm still alive.

So why am I writing all of this? Is there a point? Hello? Like seriously, Meathead, why are you wasting our time, if you don't have a new cartoon then go fuck off already?

I do not have a new cartoon. The reasons for this are threefold: 1) At some point between 2009 and now, the powers that be decided Flash is bad and must Cease to Exist, and I'd have to learn how to use whatever bullshit they have now to replace it, and learning is hard; 2) I'm so hilariously deficient in knowledge of anything remotely current in NIN World that the best I could do would be more Jeordie jokes, and I genuinely do not know as I write this if he is even still alive, much less involved with NIN to any degree; and 3) I ain't got time for all that shit. Did I mention I'm fucking married?

No, there will be no new cartoons in the immediate future (never say never! LOL!!!), but I hope you will accept this shitty consolation prize. I was thinking, what better way to get reacquainted with the new not-quite-yet-geriatric-but-getting-there Trent Reznor than to go through this "new" material that you're already sick of, and share my "perspective" by reviewing it as some Johnny Come Lately who just now stumbled across it on Spotify? Would you guys like that? Yeah.

So, as a fun little pet project that I will undoubtedly regret almost immediately, for the next few weeks/months/years/however long it takes, I will be visiting each and every NIN-related thing that Trent & Co. have blessed us with during my absence from the world, and explaining exactly why it sucks. Or, in the event that it doesn't suck, why it doesn't suck. (But let's be honest, there's no way that none of it sucks.) Starting next Wednesday, October 12, 2022, Lord willing, I will be doing a new review every couple of weeks. Once I've gone through everything, what's next? Who knows, maybe I'll disappear for another ten years. Would you guys like that? Yeah.

First up: This brown thing from 2013 called Hesitation Marks. Hooo boy.