October 20, 1999
Nails In Space

Is there intelligent life outside Earth? The ever-present question has yet to be answered. But what if there are creatures on other planets? What are we doing to try to contact them? Most importantly, if there are people on other planets, what in god's name are they listening to? Marky Mark? 311? That Bruce Willis jazz album?
That's where NINETI comes in. NINETI (Nine Inch Nails for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) was founded in 1999 by a dedicated team of "scientists", in an attempt to contact beings from outer space by beaming NIN songs into the sky using a RBGSD (Really Big Goddamn Satellite Dish). By doing so, we hope to convince these alien beings that the residents of Earth aren't really as stupid, tasteless and tacky as they think we are. NINETI's RGBSD transmits Pretty Hate Machine, Broken, The Downward Spiral, and The Fragile into outer space 24 hours a day, using ultra high-frequency (and really loud) radio signals.

Other organizations, like SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Life, no relation to NINETI) try to contact alien beings by sending out binary code (strings of ones and zeros), because they think aliens really want to listen to that. Think about it: If you were an alien, would you rather hear a bunch binary data instead of Nine Inch Nails? I didn't think so.


As if having a Really Big Goddamn Satellite Dish wasn't enough, NINETI is also developing a space probe unit, WRETCHED-2600, that will transmit NIN signals much further into space than the RBGSD is capable of doing. It will also contain copies of NIN albums and other paraphenalia, in the event that the probe itself is intercepted by alien beings that aren't too dumb to figure out how to open it. It will include the following:

10 copies each of every currently released Halo
25 assorted NIN T-shirts
10 mural-size Trent Reznor posters
a sporty NIN totebag
50 Nothing Records spaceship decals
a half pound of Trent Reznor's toenail clippings

The WRETCHED-2600 unit will leave Earth, as shown on the left, and travel through our solar system while blaring the Nails at approximately 480 billion decibels (some "experts" say that sound can't travel through space; to them I say BAH). It also has a really bright flashing red light, to attract the aliens' attention.
The basic concept is similar to that of the movie Message in a Bottle, starring Kevin Costner, except that it has absolutely nothing to do with that whatsoever.

The NINETI Space Probe is scheduled to be launched sometime in the year 2000, assuming we recieve enough donations by that time (at this time we have approximately $0 in funds... keep 'em coming!).

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