September 1, 1999
Do You Want To Be A Millionaire?

Warning: The following images may be disturbing to some fans of NIN.

Lately there have been some people accusing Trent Reznor of "selling out", for one reason or another. Some people are upset that the new music doesn't sound the way they want it to; others are irritated that NIN will be playing at the 1999 MTV Video Music Awards on September 9. Personally, I'm not jumping to these conclusions. I think that Trent is still a very talented and respectable musician. However, I'm not so set in my ways that I would never accuse him of compromising himself for the almighty dollar. For this week's Perspective, I have put together some examples of things that would cause my faith in Trent to dwindle, if not disappear entirely.

1. Trent stars in a new sitcom with Jerry Seinfeld and Charlton Heston.
This may initially seem like a great idea for a TV show... but come on, do we really want to see this? I'd almost rather watch Will & Grace, or even Walker, Texas Ranger for that matter. To me, this would not only prove that Trent has sold himself out, but also that Chuck Heston has finally lost all his marbles.


2. You're flipping through a magazine, and you see this.
Enough said.

3. Trent jumps on the blonde bandwagon.
Oh no. Good god, no. It seems like everybody has been bleaching their hair lately, much to my disgust. For some reason Anthony Kiedis felt it necessary to chop off his famous long hair and dye it a disgusting shade of blonde, and Eddie Vedder is now sporting a horrific-looking head of yellow hair. Where will it end? Please, Trent, in the name of all that is holy, stay the hell away from the bleach. It's not worth it. You have so much to live for! Please... we love you!

4. If this ever happens, ever...
I don't know about you, but I think that Insane Clown Posse is one of the worst excuses for a music group to ever hit the airwaves. And while I don't claim to know Trent inside and out, I think it's a pretty safe bet to say that he feels the same. That's why if the nightmarish image on the left ever becomes a reality, I will jump in front of a fast-moving train... that is, unless Trent's plan is to bludgeon the Posse to death with his guitar after the first show. Perhaps a Broken movie part II? Imagine, if you will, Shaggy 2 Dope being strapped to a chair while a robotic claw tears off his nipples and genitalia.

We can only hope...

5. NIN in my Cracker Jacks
Trent once stated in an interview that we would never be seeing the NIN logo on a box of Cracker Jacks. But what if one day he changed his mind? Let's hope not. Lord knows what the prizes inside would be.

6. Trent: The next Wheaties cover boy.
Okay, sure, this would be a great NIN collector's item. But one would have to question Trent's reasoning for agreeing to appear on the Wheaties box. First it's Wheaties, then come the Sprite commercials, then the Nike ads (see above), then, next thing we know, he's doing the pole vault at the 2004 Olympics. Fortunately, this probably will never happen.

That's all for this week. I hope you've enjoyed this frightening glimpse into a parallel universe in which Trent Reznor is an endorsement whore. Have a nice day.

Until next time...

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