April 5, 2008
Total Re-Finck / Thom Yorke Can Suck My Dick / Checklist

BIG UPDATE HOLY SHIT Oh great! Guess what former NIN member (ehehehehe "member") just rejoined the band for the 87th time! No, not Aaron North. He's barely had time to settle into his "former NIN member" status yet, and it'll be a while before Trent ends up deciding that Aaron is right for the band again and brings him back. Maybe 2012.

No, I'm talking about Robin Finck, of Guns 'n Roses fame. Wow, Robin Finck. I sure haven't talked about him in a while. It feels kind of weird. Almost as weird as he looks. Seriously, I never knew there was an overlap with the Amish and goth communities. You really do learn something new every day! Just out of curiosity, I checked to see when the last time was that I brought up that dude's name, and I found a couple of noteworthy mentions. Check it.

August 23, 2006

RUMOR: Robin Finck is coming back for the next tour. OH PLEASE GOD LET IT BE TRUE

This is not true. Of course Trent would love nothing more than to have Robin Finck return to the lineup, since he is the best guitarist in the world and all that. Hell, I'm sure he'd re-hire the rest of the Fragility guys in a heartbeat if he could. But right now Robin has more important things to do, like grow his beard, dress like a hobo and wait for Guns 'N Roses to release an album. A man's gotta have priorities. As for the others, Charlie Clouser is usually too high to answer the phone, Danny Lohner is in negotiations to join Guns 'N Roses, and I think Jerome Dillon died a couple months ago. Sorry.

You know, I was actually serious when I wrote that. You remember that one time, before the Fragility tour started, when I stated that we would definitely not see Marilyn Manson show up at any point? Yeah, hilarious. And now here we go with this Robin shit. You know, I've gotta be honest here. I'm pretty sick of Trent going out of his way to make me look like an idiot. It's not like I've ever done anything like that to him. But because I'm a Christian, I'll forgive him.

Then there's this:

September 15, 2039

Tuesday, September 7, 2004 - Impossible Pain, a quintuple-CD clocking in at a rather hefty 5˝ hours, arrives in stores. Trent Reznor once again breaks new musical ground and wows the pants off the critics. Impossible Pain features notable guest appearances by Andy Griffith, 2Pac, Aphex Twin and Steven Wright. Robin Finck conveniently quits Guns 'N Roses and rejoins Nine Inch Nails (again) just in time for the Impossibility tour. Axl Rose threatens to break both of Robin's legs if he ever sees him again.

Okay, so perhaps I was off by a few years, and the album ended up being titled "Ghosts," but aside from those minor details, this prediction was dead-on accurate. I swear, I'm like the Nostradamus of guys who write shitty internet columns that nobody reads. Regardless, the fact of the matter is that Robin Finck is back in the band, again, and we all have to deal with it. In a recent interview, Trent had this to say:

"Alessandro fit in immediately, but we looked all over for the right guitarist. In retrospect, I believe we were looking for someone to fill Aaron's [North] shoes. When Robin walked through the door, he pissed on Aaron's shoes and kicked them out the door where they belong — effectively closing a chapter. A great chapter, but one that is in the past. This is a new entity that feels very fresh and vital."

So there you go. End of discussion. Oh, wait a minute. That was actually a quote from 2005 and I accidentally switched Aaron's and Robin's names around. Oops! My bad! Forget I said anything. Anyway, it's

Let's talk about Radiohead! I hardly ever talk about them, mostly because this isn't a Radiohead site, but hey what the hell. As you may have noticed if you're one of those people who are into Radiohead, they're having a contest for fans to remix their song "Nude." If you've heard the song, then you are aware that it's about as interesting as listening to Ben Stein read Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke's Wikipedia page. And it's in 6/8 time, which obviously lends itself very well to being remixed.

So not only did Radiohead choose the biggest snoozer off In Rainbows (and that's saying something) for a single, but they actually thought it would make perfect sense to make their fans pay money to download the multitracks, or "stems" as I guess they call them in the UK (whatever). Apparently the massively successful amount of cash they allegedly made off the album wasn't quite enough. See, this is what happens when you put Sloth from The Goonies in charge of your business model. If our buddy TR can give away the multitracks for Year Zero in its entirety, two With Teeth songs, and five Ghosts songs, and still have enough money to get some delicious In-N-Out burgers, I think Radiohead should be able to handle giving away the tracks for one shitty In Rainbows song.

For lack of anything better to do, I thought I'd enter the contest anyway, just for fun. Thankfully, some really nice person was nice enough to upload the "Nude" multitracks to The Pirate Bay under the name "YorkeRules." Thanks, YorkeRules! I put quite a lot of time into my remix, and as soon as it was done, I uploaded it to Since I'm a big internet celebrity, I was able to get the remix voted all the way up to the number 3 spot!

Unfortunately, for whatever reason, it would appear that Thom Yorke listened to it and came to the conclusion it wasn't good enough to be on the front page of Radiohead's website, and my remix got deleted. I can't imagine why. Sure, maybe I'm not the best musician in the world. That's debatable, I suppose. But if people voted for it, doesn't it deserve to be on the list? What's the problem? I can't imagine it has anything to do with the fact that my remix contained the phrases "I downloaded the multitracks from The Pirate Bay," "Thom Yorke can suck my dick," and "it's like trying to remix a root canal," so I'm really scratching my head here trying to think of what it could be. Maybe it's because I made fun of him once seven years ago. That must be it. Man, that guy really knows how to hold a grudge.

Anyway, it was fun while it lasted, and the most important thing is that I beat that fucking Hipster Runoff remix. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the only good hipster is a dead hipster.

Prior to the update with Robin weirding up Trent's studio, there was this blog post:

02 April 2008: Everything is right on track

Today’s checklist:

hold the standard CD version of GHOSTS in my hands: CHECK
see the new deluxe packages coming off the printing press: CHECK
listen to the Blu-Ray version of GHOSTS to check for errors: CHECK
start working on set-lists for the upcoming tour: CHECK
continue work on a something I can’t tell you about yet: CHECK
get a shitty, poorly written “review” of GHOSTS by an asshole who probably didn’t listen to the record on Pitchfork: CHECK

Everything going as planned!
More soon.

I don't know why, but this entry inspired me to make yet another pathetic example of why I'll never amount to anything in life (i.e. another Flash cartoon). I guess I should note that I made this before Thom Yorke decided to be a taint and singlehandedly crush my dreams of making it to number 1 in the Radiohead Remix contest. Please click the small image below to view the animation, if that's not asking for too much effort on your part.


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