March 15, 2008
The Visual World

Wow! NIN frontman Trent Reznor (pictured at left) updated his personal web blog recently, to explain in excessive detail his latest high-concept idea that will probably never come to fruition. (For those of you who hate reading, you may watch this video of Trent explaining the project from within an echo chamber.) If, like most NIN fans, you feel an innate need to ruin every single Nine Inch Nails creation by applying your own half-assed ideas and inexcusably bad artwork to it, they want to hear from you!

The NIN d00dz have collaborated with YouTube for a project in which fans are invited to create embarrassingly clichéd visual accompaniments to the songs from Ghosts I-IV. According to the blog, a team of people including Trent (yeah right) will suffer through every single submission, and once they've picked out the ones that suck the least amount of balls, they will do something that supposedly doesn't involve deleting them.

The Rezster is once again attempting to realize his lifelong fantasy of being Robert Redford (god he's such a dreamboat), this time by presenting some really awesome "film festival" with the winning entries. I'm not entirely sure how that's going to work, but okay. There is also the implication that there may eventually be a live performance of the entire album with the winning entries displayed as a backdrop in lieu of stock war footage and pictures of bugs. I'm sure that'll be really fun to watch while sober.

Now, I know quite a few have already sent in their entries for this thing, but for those of you who are still thinking of what to make, here are a few quick guidelines I'd like you to please consider, as a personal favor to me:

• When creating your video, don't just use elements that you think Trent wants to see. This includes the aforementioned stock war footage and bugs, toilets, rotting animal carcasses, out-of-focus flowers, guys in SWAT uniforms, pigs, Robin Finck, leather pants, and men's dongs.

• Please don't dance in your video. You're not a good dancer. No, you're not.

• As hard as it may be, resist the temptation to rap along to "7 Ghosts I." That is, unless you are Saul Williams. But you're probably not.

• No video you could possibly create would make "25 Ghosts III" interesting, so don't even waste your time trying. Trust me on this.

• If you intend to have Abe Vigoda make a cameo in your video, you'd better get to it. He's not getting any younger.

I'm sure you're thinking, "When are you, Meathead, going to make a video for Ghosts I-IV?" Well, obviously I take this project very seriously, and I would only want to submit something if it's an idea I can truly be proud of, something that would do Trent's work justice. After a routine Friday night of ingesting a massive dose of LSD and watching TV Land for upwards of twelve hours, the idea finally came to me in a bright flash of light, shortly before I went to the emergency room. Over the years, I've noticed that Trent seems to go out of his way to avoid including references to Bob Newhart in his music videos, and I feel it's high time someone did something about it. And since Saul Williams doesn't seem to want to do it, I guess it'll have to be me. Enjoy!

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