October 26, 2005
My Resignation (Part II)

Dear NIN fans,

I'd like to take a minute to clear up a few things. As you may or may not remember, I recently submitted my resignation as the writer of the hilarious NIN satire web page "The Meathead Perspective." In so doing, I may have come off as being a little angry and/or bitter. I was feeling very angry and emotional at the time, so I'm going to give this another go now that I've had some time to calm down and arrange my thoughts. I'm still totally quitting, but I thought I should at least be a gentleman about it instead of a raving lunatic. The last thing I want is for anyone to think I'm some kind of egotistical, self-absorbed asshole with no concern for other people's feelings.

I sincerely had no intention of insulting my entire readership. When I said "FUCK YOU!" in large, bold, italic, underlined type, I didn't mean "FUCK YOU!" to everybody, just the people I don't like. To the other 10% of the NINternet: you're cool. So, I'm sorry for yelling at you.

I'd like to apologize to Leviathant for saying that Interscope pays him a lot of money for running the NIN Hotline. I know Interscope is too cheap to pay him. Sure, I still think he should be paying me, I mean it's not like he has children to support or anything, but I'm sorry for lying about the Interscope thing. Leviathant really isn't that bad of a guy, I guess. He can be kind of a dickhead sometimes -- well, a lot of the time -- but I think he usually means well. When he's sober, at least. I still have no intention of ever talking to him again, but at least I'll try to stop talking shit about him to my friends.

I'd also like to apologize to Rob Sheridan for saying he's a shitty web designer. That was a pretty mean thing to say. Not that it's not totally true, but I shouldn't have said it openly like that. I was taught growing up that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. So from now on, I'll keep my opinions about's horrible concept and layout to myself. Besides, I think it's really kind of Trent to go out of his way to employ the mentally handicapped.

I'd like to apologize to Trent for sending him all those emails telling him his new haircut looks stupid, and for calling him "Lou Ferrigno's less talented twin brother." Again, if you can't say something nice... I mean, it doesn't really look that weird, I guess. Not like Jeordie-weird. I'm sure it'll grow out soon and you'll look like yourself again. And I'm not just saying that so you won't rip my arms out of their sockets. I really do respect you. You're no Dave Matthews, but your new album has a couple pretty decent songs on it. So let's just let by-gones be by-gones.

I was pretty pissed off at the fact that I didn't get a free Spiral membership or admin status on the message board, but I guess I'll get over it. I know they're pretty hard up for cash right now, so I guess I should just think of the $30 I spent as a charitable donation. Although when you donate to a real charity, at least you get a warm feeling inside, but whatever. And if my lyrics poster ever gets here, I won't really wipe my ass with it. I'll just fold it up neatly and throw it away.

A big thank you to everyone who expressed concern for my well-being over the past couple of days. It would have been nicer to receive cash, but I guess that's my fault for not putting up a PayPal link. I know you all want nothing more than for me to keep writing the Meathead Perspective, especially seeing as how it's been getting better and better over the years, but it really doesn't seem worth it to me anymore. Let's face it, NIN just isn't all that popular anymore. I feel like my immense talent is going to waste here. I think I can get more attention by writing for my new favorite band, the Dave Matthews Band. And I might even get paid, too.

Apparently some of you still seem to be under the impression that this whole thing is a joke, but I assure you it isn't. The Meathead Perspective is completely, 100% dead. There is absolutely no chance of it ever coming back. Period. After this update, I'm totally cutting all ties with the NIN Hotline. If you don't believe me, look at the Staff page. No Meathead there! So, there's proof. Hope to see you all at my new Dave Matthews satire page, which I'm sure you'll be hearing about shortly.

Bye (for real this time),

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