May 17, 2005
Age Ain't Nothin' But How Old You Are

'Sup, ho-bags! Boy, I tell you what. I don't know how it happens, but I keep ending up at these fucking Nine Inch Nails concerts. I'll just be sitting around minding my own business, and next thing I know, BAM! I'm at another goddamned concert. It's starting to piss me off, because I do have other things to do besides stare at Jeordie White for an hour and a half (okay, I will admit he is quite dreamy). But fortunately for me, they're not capable of playing more than two nights in a row, so I get to take a break tonight before I inevitably end up at even more shows later this week.

Anyway, it just so happens that today is that lead singer guy's 40th birthday. You know, what's his face. I keep wanting to say "Lou Ferrigno" but I don't think that's right. Oh yeah, Trunt Resman, that's it. I'm sure he's having a blast today, doing something fun and exciting that doesn't involve a courtroom in any way whatsoever. Now, I happen to know that Tront is very sensitive about the whole age thing, so I want to warn all eight of my readers to refrain from making cracks about his age should they be presented with the opportunity. Whatever you do, resist the temptation and do not yell out the following things during the quiet parts of songs (not that he could really hear you, though, being hard of hearing and all):

"Come on Grandpa, we don't have all day"

"Aren't the people at the nursing home looking for you?"

"Holy crap, look at the wrinkles on that guy!"

"I didn't know I was at a Rolling Stones concert"

You get the idea. Seriously, don't joke about that stuff. That would be totally not cool. In fact, perhaps you could try yelling these kinds of things instead:

"You don't look a day over 38"

"I find crow's feet to be very distinguished looking"

"Holy crap, look at the muscles on that guy's wrinkles!"

"While you are technically old enough to be my dad, you could possibly pass as my much older brother"

See, that would be much more appropriate, and who knows, Trant might even stare at you in appreciation during "Hurt," as he is wont to do. The man occasionally works his ass off in order to make good music for you to enjoy (usually), so show some respect for your elders, shitheads.

Anyway, in honor of El Rezzo's big day, I figured I should probably stop being an asshole for five minutes and do something special this time around. I mean, you only go over the hill once. I didn't really feel like putting that much effort into it, though, so I just made another stupid Flash thing instead. I mean, I bought his fucking new CD for shit's sake, I think that ought to be enough. And besides, it's not like he actually wastes his time reading this tripe, so I can basically do or say whatever I want here. To be honest, I personally find the music of Michael Bolton to be much more appealing than that of Nine Inch Nails. The only reason I don't have a web page devoted to picking on Michael Bolton is that I have entirely too much respect for him to ever make lame jokes at his expense. Seriously, the Time, Love and Tenderness tour is probably the most cherished memory of my entire life.

But enough about that. Let the crap begin continue!


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