February 4, 2005
Thirty Options

I love to get e-mail. It gets me happy. Nothing puts a smile on my face quite like being called a jackass by complete strangers on the internet. But just recently I got an even bigger happy present in my e-mail box. Check it:

Hey meathead, Tim Smith's (yes, the Tim Smith) brother here. Your write up about Option 30 from 2001 is a bunch of crap (mostly). Do you make this stuff up? The remaining members of the band, Tim, Todd Nero and Jim Nordstrom did not "frantically search for another future rock star" to front the band. They formed a trio and were quite successful sans Reznor for a few years. Actually, I think they were better sans Reznor. Reznor may be good at what he does these days, but then, he was full of his rock star self - more show than talent on display.

You are truly a meat head spouting this nonsense like you know what you're talking about. Shameful.

Now let's get real, would Tim Smith's (yes, the Tim Smith) brother actually take time from his obviously hectic schedule of being the brother of one of the most talented musicians who has ever lived to write an entire paragraph to me? Not very likely. This is probably a hoax of some sort, but since I have absolutely nothing better to do, I'll play along and act it as if it were real, just like I do with my imaginary friends.

First of all, I don't even remember what I said about Option 30 back in 2001, but I'm sure it was entirely accurate and well-researched, and I'm sure I was totally sober at the time. I would not knowingly put up a bunch of made-up information about Option 30, the single most important new wave/reggae/thrash metal band in music history. I don't joke about that. Why would I? As for Trent being "full of his rock star self," well, wouldn't you be if you could sing in such a convincing Jamaican accent? I think someone's just jealous.

In fact, I've been meaning to write more about Option 30, but I keep getting distracted by other things since I have the attention span of Hey, you know what? I should get the new Sealab 2021 DVD that just came out. I forgot that was out already. What? Oh, right, Option 30. Well, I know I'm in the minority here, but I actually somewhat prefer Trent Reznor's other pet project, Nine Inch Nails, over Option 30. Don't get me wrong, Option 30 is totally awesome, but I don't know, I guess I'm just weird that way. Sorry!

But who can forget that incredible reunion tour Option 30 had back in 2003? My God, that was mind-blowing. I was there on opening night, front and center! I remember it like it was only 2 years ago. They opened up with "Der Kommissar," and the crowd fucking went nuts. Such energy. "I miss Jill and Joe And all my funky motherfucking friends," Trent screamed, sending chills down my spine. Then they went right into "Lies." It was intense. I just about got crushed in the mosh pit, so after a few more songs I had to force my way out and take a break from all that chaos. Fortunately, right then they played "Equal Rights," and everyone in the place was waving their lighters in the air. It was breathtaking. Of course, that moment of respite didn't last very long, because then they tore right into a blistering rendition of "Time and Chance." Todd Nero did this unbelievable steel drum solo, fucking rocked the place. Of course, after the last song was played and the band left the stage, the crowd immediately launched into chant of "OPTION THIR-TY! OPTION THIR-TY!" After about five minutes of this, they came back out and played a 20-minute version of "Ice House." Man, what a night. "Better sans Reznor"? I don't fucking think so!

I guess the only thing that kind of sucks about Option 30 reuniting and going on an extensive, year-long world tour was that it caused the new Nine Inch Nails album to get delayed. Obviously, if it hadn't been for this tour that really, honestly did happen, because I would never blatantly lie on this website, there wouldn't be any logical reason for there to not have been a new NIN album in stores by now. I know some of Trent's so-called "fans" have been incessantly bitching about how he's been taking so long to come out with new material, but come on! Give the guy a break! Besides, I hear rumors that a new Option 30 record is in the works, as well! I can't wait for that. If it's even half as good as that Tapeworm album was, I know it will totally be worth the wait.

Well, anyway, now it seems that Trent's other band is going to be touring again soon. As much as Option 30 rocks my face off, I'm even more excited to see Nine Inch Nails again. Sorry, Tim Smith's brother (I'll call you Jeff even though I don't know what your real name is), I hate to say it, but Option 30 really isn't the same without Trent. I saw you guys back in 1996 with Gary Cherone, and it really wasn't very good. But hey, good on you for trying. I guess.

I'll be back in a little while with an exclusive of the new NIN single which I will download illegally on a popular P2P program. In the meantime, don't forget to keep your pants on!

Your friend,

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