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September 1, 2004
Ceci N'est Pas Une Update.

Hello, friends! Welcome the hell to September, the totally unwarranted sequel to August! Assuming you have an attention span greater than that of a comatose squirrel, you might have noticed that this past month has been boring as fuck for NIN fans (assuming there even are any). I actually did some research and found that August 2004 was the slowest month of NIN-related news since February 1837. Boy, that month really sucked.

The burning question is, apparently, how will this month fare in comparison? Well, considering that the latest news on the front page of THE NINE INCH NAILS HOTLINE is a list of things that NIN is not doing, I'd have to say the answer is most likely "shitty". Either that or "Michael Dukakis", but I really don't know what he has to do with Nine Inch Nails and I wish you'd stop bringing him up.

Anyway, the fact of the matter is that there's still nothing at all for me to write about in my usual half-hearted attempt to entertain you (but mostly just to kill time). So in lieu of something funny, I think now's an acceptable time to take a look at some other things Nine Inch Nails/Tremp Rezmo are/is not doing at this very moment. We all know now about the shitty musicals, shitty movie soundtracks, shitty remixes, and shitty Fred Durst looking motherfuckers wearing CBGB's t-shirts while striking stupid poses and inexplicably attempting to convince others they're Jerome Dillon. But what else is NIN not involved with? THE PUBLIC MUST KNOW. I hereby dub the following list:


OTHER THINGS NINE INCH NAILS/TREMP REZMO ARE/IS NOT DOING AT THIS VERY MOMENT


At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not watching a VHS copy of Mr. Destiny, starring Jim Belushi and Linda Hamilton.

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not having the Reebok logo shaved into his back hair.

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not bidding on a Hello Kitty™ quartz wrist watch on eBay.

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not playing nude shuffleboard with Hulk Hogan.

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not snorting crushed Tic-Tacs in a jacuzzi.

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not reading this page.

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not concerned about the sick among the pure (http://www.sickamongthepure.com/).

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not off-handedly commenting to Alan Moulder about a dream he had recently in which he was raped by a squid.

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not thinking of adding an accordion melody to his new song, "Fart in a Jar".

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not mourning the death of culinary legend Julia Child.

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not delivering a keynote speech at the Republican National Convention.

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not actively exercising his Seventh Amendment rights.

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not feeding on the entrails of innocent children.

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not shouting obscenities in Mandarin at a terrified temp secretary at Interscope's corporate headquarters.

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not getting the recommended daily amount of vitamin B12.

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not the drummer for AC/DC.

At this very moment, Tremp Rezmo is not saying the following things:
"And a good day to you too, Mr. Durst"
"I wish I wasn't so tall"
"You guys go on ahead, I've got more work to do here"
"Four more years!"
"Smooth jazz"
"What's your opinion, Atticus?"
"Good enough"
"Deadline"
"It's hilarious how Meathead always misspells my name"
"Let's use good cover art this time"
"I trust you"
"Grab that camera and take some pictures of me for the website"
"My fans are cool"
"I should smile more"
"Watch your language"
"I wonder if Doom 3 is any good"
"In Jesus' name, Amen"
"Sure, I'd be happy to give an interview"
"Bone Thugz N Harmony"
"Where are the keys to my truck?"
"Where is my black shirt?"
"Fuck David Bowie"
"Get that beer out of here"
"Lighten up"
"No, that would take too long"
"Working lunch"
"I have to get up early tomorrow"
"Phish broke up?!"
"Just a second, I'm updating my blog"
"Ashton Kutcher is God"
"Finally! The record is done!"


I hope this clears things up. The Meathead Perspective will resume begin being funny soon. I mean, "soon".


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