January 29, 2001
I Had A Million Dollars, But I Spent It All

Some people have expressed concern over the fact that it's been a while since the last hilarious, side-splitting installment of The Meathead Perspective. Well, my excuse this time is the fact that I spent about a week being incapacitated by one of the worst cases of the flu I've ever had. I won't get into the gory details, but let's just say I've learned my lesson to never get drunk and make out with Keith Hillebrandt at a party ever again, no matter how much money they throw on the table.

Speaking of money, that brings me to the topic of this particular Meathead Perspective. That's right, this time I'll actually attempt to adhere to a "general topic" instead of just rambling incoherently until my attention span runs out. Anyway, those of you who actually read the NIN Hotline news page may have noticed that Trent Reznor is selling a bunch of his used studio junk on eBay. At least, I assume it's Trent selling it. If not... hey Trent! They're selling your stuff, man!

Now, I know what it's like to be strapped for cash, to the point where you end up selling CD's, Nintendo games, your body, etc. in order to pay the bills on time. But then, I'm not a big famous rock star. Hell, I've never even been on the cover of Hit Parader magazine. So naturally I felt a little bit worried that someone as important as Trent Reznor, who should have money coming out of every bodily orifice, would have to sell things on eBay. But hey, I guess we all fall on hard times here and there... and I guess it would be a little difficult to record a new album when the electricity's been cut off. I considered sending them some money to help them out, but unfortunately I spent my last paycheck on some rare NIN vinyls, so I'm pretty broke right now. Since I'm such a kind and caring person, though, I've been thinking of other ways to help poor Trent scrape up some cash.

Become a sidewalk musician
Just because you're Trent Reznor doesn't mean you have to be playing to packed stadiums all the time. Perhaps you'd consider playing some tunes for passers-by on the street. I'm sure they'd love to hear songs like "Truckin'" by the Grateful Dead, or maybe something by Eric Clapton, as performed by "that Nine Inch Nails guy". It would be a great way to make some easy money, and it would also help you interact more with the members of your community. Sure, some people might come along and think that just because Trent Reznor is sitting on a sidewalk wearing ripped-up jeans and playing "Stairway to Heaven" for spare change, that it automatically means you've hit a low point in your career. Keep in mind, they said the exact same thing about Vanilla Ice, and, well... um... nevermind. That's not important. My point is, if you're running low on cash, you should know that it's okay to pack away your pride for a little while and ask for help.

Make Danny Lohner give blood
Some people go to the blood bank to sell their blood in times of financial trouble. There's nothing wrong with that; in fact, it could save somebody's life someday. That's why you might want to consider making your bass player, Danny Lohner give blood at your local clinic (since Robin Finck is busy hanging out with Axl). Think about all the times you've made your band members bleed during concerts... and have you ever gotten a single cent for it? No, I didn't think so. And really, it's not like Danny's doing anything else right now anyway.

...I know you're thinking about it.

Rent out Leo Herrera
What the hell has Leo Herrera been doing lately? He's nowhere to be seen in the new, completely-candid-and-not-posed studio pictures on I bet he's been sitting in his room every day for the past two months, playing his Playstation 2. By letting Leo sit around on his ass, you're letting valuable cash potential go to waste! Instead of just using Leo for grocery store errands, how about lending him to other musicians in need of a porn addict/studio engineer, for a "reasonable" hourly fee. I bet John Mellencamp could use some extra help around the studio as of late. And I'm sure Leo would be ecstatic to be able to spend more time with his beloved pop star Ricky Martin.

Pillage and loot
If "legality" isn't a priority, you can always smash in the windows of the local music stores and steal some new musical equipment, instead of going through the unnecessary hassle of "exchanging them for money". You may have heard reference to such activity in the lyrics of the popular rock and pop group Sublime. Well, just because you don't live in California doesn't mean you can't participate in some anarchy anyway. Sure, you'll probably go to jail, but that'll just make you even cooler, to be able to say you've done time. And maybe you'll run into Scott Weiland.

Buy cheaper beer
When money is short, sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Sure, it might be nice to have your fridge stocked with Delirium Tremens and Dos Equis every day, but I think that in light of the current financial situation, some cutbacks should be made. Have a nice frosty can of Coors Light or Red Dog instead. Or, if possible, find a place that actually sells beer in plain, generic cans that just have the word "BEER" on them. You won't even notice the difference. Sure, you might feel a little "white-trashy" for a while, but that feeling will pass. Just ask Richard Patrick.

Anyway, I hope you give my really good ideas some thought. I'm just concerned about you, Trent. I don't want to see you living in a cardboard box with Fred Durst and eating out of trash cans... and I think if you just take my advice, you should be able to avoid that kind of situation.

Well, I'm going to go cough up some more internal organs. See you all again soon!

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