March 29, 2000
Meathead's Guide To The New NIN.COM

The other night, I was sitting here at the computer playing a fervid game of Minesweeper when I decided to stop by, since it had been nearly five minutes since my last visit. However, instead of seeing the usual seizure-inducing flickering NIN logo, I was prompted that I needed to download Macromedia? Flash? 4? in order to continue. Fortunately, I was able to keep the swearing down to a minimum as I followed the instructions to upgrade my browser, and afterwards I went back to the site and clicked on "enter."

After fetching a clean pair of underwear, I immediately returned to gaze upon the magnificently-rearranged website with its plethora of glowing squares and its shifting background. At first I was convinced that Chef Boyardee had slipped LSD into my beef ravioli, but other people who went to check it out saw the same thing, so I knew it wasn't just me. Then again, I never did ask if those people had been eating Chef Boyardee products as well.

Anyway, as a public service to you, the viewer, I have made a neat-o guide to navigating the NEW and IMPROVED website. Don't say I never gave you anything.

When you first arrive at, you will see the picture shown here, only bigger. It tries to act all badass, telling you that you can't enter unless you have Flash 4. If you don't have Flash 4, do not click on the picture, or your computer will explode and you will die. Instead, click on where it says "click here to download flash" and then follow the instructions. Once you're sure you have Flash installed, then you may click the picture to enter the psychedelic website.

A partial NIN logo (unfortunately Flash 4 cannot process a whole NIN logo) will then fade in, followed by a really colorful, dreamy picture of a bunch of vague blobs overlaid by translucent blocks. When you move the mouse pointer over the blocks, they will either lighten or darken, depending on what mood they're in. Some of the blocks will even take you to different places when you click on them!! You can tell where they lead by reading the needlessly upside-down letters that flicker in the bottom right corner of the screen.

(the "info", "nothing" and "Øbject" blocks have been left out, since they don't seem to really do much of anything just yet, and i couldn't think of anything funny to say about them)

There's not much here just yet, but apparently Nine Inch Nails is going to be having some sort of contests in the near future. Hopefully it'll be something cool like "Robin Finck Drives You To Work" or "Win a Trip to New Orleans to Give Daisy May a Flea Bath".

Let's keep an eye on this one, folks!

Just like the old, clicking the "Image" block will bring up a phat picture of something NIN-related, like this bitchin' image of Leo and pals hanging around in the studio while attempting to give off the illusion that actual work is being done.

I have a CD case in my car that's just like the one in the picture. Isn't that weird?

This is also just like the old, except it looks a little different when it loads. There are eight links to other NIN sites (including this one, for some reason) and a link to a picture of sex god Leo Herrera that changes every so often.

This is the mother lode of cool downloadable NIN crap. It's got everything from live videos to track sheets for decade-old songs to "virtual reality" tours of Nothing studios! Hey, have you always wanted a picture of Trent bending over with a spotlight on his ass? Look no further than the image archive at!!

"Into the Void" video shoot fans, rejoice! Now pictures from the coolest video shoot ever are online for you to browse at your leisure. You can also watch a movie of the final take of the video, filmed by none other than our buddy Leo. It doesn't get much cooler than this.

As if the pictures from the video shoot aren't enough, they've also been kind enough to include the actual video itself! You can actually just click a button and watch a rock music video play on your computer monitor. Oh the wonders of modern technology! If only Abraham Lincoln was still alive to see this... man, he'd shit.

Tour dates, tour dates, tour dates! This is where they hide the tour date stash. If you're planning on going to any of these shows but haven't gotten tickets, you might want to consider getting off your ass and buying some. You can also go back and look at the old tour dates, you know, if you're into that kinda thing. You can't buy tickets for those dates, though. Dumb ass.

It's the famous boards. Yeah. Party.

Apparently nobody took my suggestion for a plaid, paisley and argyle room seriously.

I hope this handy guide will be of good use to you during your visits to Happy surfing!

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