E-mails From Stupid People
I try to be somewhat of an optimist and assume that most people who read The Meathead Perspective on a regular basis are cool, reasonably intelligent people. However, now and then I'll recieve the occasional email that makes me revert right back to "cynical bastard" mode. Finally I decided to direct these emails to a section I like to call "Email From Stupid People." Yes, believe it or not, these are real emails, sent from real people. May the Lord have mercy on our souls.
Subject: U SUCK BIG TIME!!!!!!!!!
i usually like all ur articles except for the most recent one, "Please Stop Stalking Me." i mean there was absolutely nothing funny about it. usually u make a whole bunch of jokes & stuff but in this one there really wasnt anything funny in it. i just wanted 2 let u know u suck.
ur best friend,
Well, gee, thanks for the constructive criticism. I'll be looking forward to "The 5IN Perspective" in the near future. I'm certain you can do a much better job. Hell, your typing alone is a veritable rollercoaster of laughs. Er.. "ur" typing, rather.
Date: Tue, 22 Aug 2000 22:31:50 EDT
YOU HAVE A SERIOUS FUCKING PROBLEM! IT'S ASSHOLES LIKE YOU THAT TRY TO MAKE HARD WORKING MUSICAL FUCKING GENIUSES LOOK BAD, YOU FUCKING FAGGOT LICKING PRICK. HE WORKS VERY HARD TO CREATE WONDERFUL MASTERPIECES, SUCH AS THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL IN WHICH YOU PROUDLY PURCHASED, SO HE DESERVES SOME RESPECT FROM ASSMUNCHES LIKE YOU. YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS, THAT YOU ARE NOT AS GREAT AS TRENT, YOU MEATSUCKING MEATHEAD. YOU ONLY WISH YOU WERE TRENT REZNOR, ASSHOLE. YOU WISH YOU GOT AS MUCH AS TRENT, AND THAT'S WHY YOU ARE TRYING TO MAKE HIM LOOK BAD. YOU STUPID FREAK. GO SUCK COCK , YOU NASTY ASS FREAK. WHY DONT' YOU GO CREATE YOUR OWN MUSIC BY YOURSELF ON YOUR OWN COMPUTER WITHOUT ANY HELP, AND THEN YOU MIGHT RESERVE THE RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT MR. REZNOR. TIL THEN, KEEP YOUR FUCKING SICK LIES TO YOURSELF, YOU WORTHLESS WANKER. GO SHOVE YOUR OWN DICK UP YOUR SHITTY ASSHOLE.
THANKS FOR MAKING ME LAUGH THE LOUDEST I'VE EVER LAUGHED,
YOUR WORST ENEMY
Boy, what a winner. Oh, but that's not all! My worst enemy followed up with this scathing email:
Date: Tue, 22 Aug 2000 22:32:00 EDT
Subject: (no subject)
Am I the only one that thinks that humanity would be much better off if the entire AOL user community was put into a big box and launched into outer space? Well, okay, maybe that's just a bad stereotype, but you know, those stereotypes are there for a reason (Jesimey420 springs to mind).
From: "likadtelya manaym"
Subject: you are not worthy
Organization: Lycos Communications (http://comm.lycos.com:80)
Meathead (you chose a good name by the way),
I think the article you wrote about Trent Reznor stalking you is a complete blasphemous act against the millions of nin followers and our God, Trent himself. You are not worthy to even joke about being stalked by the man who would think nothing of stepping on you like an ant, and quite frankly, neither would I. You imply in your article that Trent's life is nothing but women, money and fame. Think of all the pressure that puts on you, (refer to Kurt Cobain and what the stress did to him) to constantly produce music of such quality every few years. Trent goes into isolation and produces music that your virgin ears are not worthy of and you repay him by saying he stalks you??? YOU SHOULDN"T EVEN JOKE ABOUT IT. I hope you apologize for your actions and that you pray that you don't get a fatal disease that will kill you SLOWLY!!
Thank you for your time :)
*sigh* Where to begin? Should I even say anything about the clich? "Trent/God" comparison? Nah, I won't go down that road today.
The only apology you're ever going to hear from me, o Shagger of Sheep, is my apology to the rest of the world that you figured out how to hook up your computer to the internet. I find it both amusing and sad (but more amusing) that you'd actually think you'd even slightly dampen my mood with your half-assed.. no, not even half-assed.. closer to 1/10-assed attempt at an insult. I can sleep at night knowing that I'm doing nothing to disrespect Trent Reznor and/or his music... in fact, it's quite the opposite. Too bad you're too much of an anal-retentive simpleton to notice.
Keep 'em coming, folks! My Inbox is always open!
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are those of the editor (Meathead), and do not necessarily reflect those of The NIN Hotline. So there.